ACTUAL "GIFTS" MY AUNT HAS GIVEN ME

  1. Crest White Strips (I get it already I drink too much coffee)
  2. A plastic tomato meant to put leftover tomato in
  3. Already opened bottle of hair gel
  4. Leopard print thong (gifted at the thanksgiving table of 20)
  5. Being the only cousin she hasn't suggested should just "give up on love and start dating someone within the family."