INSTANCES IN A WHICH I REALIZED KELLEY HOFFMAN IS INFINITELY MORE OF AN ADULT THAN I

@kelleyhoffman
  1. stealing washcloths from a wine bar
    Kelley and I went for a glass of wine after we saw Lorrie Moore in conversation with someone I don't remember. I was probably two glasses deep and went to the bathroom to find a bounty of fresh washcloths near the sink. I stuffed a few in my purse and when I returned to the table I told Kelley LOOK, FREE WASHCLOTHS and asked her if she wanted one. she graciously declined.
  2. leaving trash at an oyster bar
    kelley and I met up for prosecco and oysters before going to a concert. on the way there it started to rain and I went into the gap to buy a new coat. I walked into the oyster bar wearing my new coat,with price tags dangling from my armpit. my old coat was in a soaking wet paper shopping bag that was tearing at the bottom. after our drinks and shellfish I said "I'm just gonna leave this here!" meaning the bags and tags Kelley kindly ripped off of my coat. she directed me to a garbage can.
  3. every time I told her, BUT I LOVE HIM!!