THINGS I THOUGHT WHILE DECIDING TO CONTINUE CONSUMING ALCOHOL LAST NIGHT

a list detailing my suffering would be redundant
  1. "this girl really likes me"
    I was at a bar with a smoking room and a cool girl asked me if I smoked. I said 'sometimes' even though I don't enjoy it but wanted to continue talking about her boy problems. a cigarette seemed like the best prop for us. she was divulging to me in what seemed to be a very intimate way and I was flattered she seemed to be taking my advice very seriously. when I ran out of things to say the next best prop seemed to be a fresh drink for both of us.
  2. "we are such good dancers"
    dancing with my boyfriend I proclaimed, ANOTHER DRINK! and we danced to the bar like it was part of our routine
  3. "the human race is mostly kind"
    a girl next to us at the bar offered us a shot of vodka because she ordered too many. "HOW KIND," I thought, "THAT GIRL IS SO NICE"
  4. "we are so evolved"
    boyfriend and i gave advice to our friend who was seeking balance with his relationship and personal life. "it should be EASY!" we advised, stirring our drinks.