PROBLEMS I HAVE WITH LA

Mostly it's ugly and every other street smells like pee or someone is currently peeing. This is the year of the most human feces I have seen in public. 2016 Year of the Turd.
  1. Bagels
    I love bagels. They light up my life. Here bagels are the scum of the earth and seem to only be sold on the outskirts of civilization/ 20 minute drive from my neighborhood. Mostly what I see restaurant owners trying to pass off as bagels are an abomination, a thin cardboard shell of its former self. Am I in hell?
  2. Cheddar. It's always orange. Everywhere I go. Why?
    me: Sharp cheddar is supposed to white...this is NOT sharp.. coworker: What are you talking about? me: OMG YOU LITERAL MONSTER
  3. High heels
    I have gathered more female friends that have more diverse shoe choices, and insist on ubering very short distances unnecessarily. I refuse to pay for your need to walk like a baby giraffe. THAT IS ON YOU.
  4. Grass. The few patches that exist are not for your personal enjoyment. They are there to taunt you. To remind you of what you had and will never have again.
    GET OFF THE GRASS BITCH