Things I've Killed

  1. A salamander (or newt?) Age 8: Coming home from a family reunion in a state park, I had found a salamander and wanted to take it with me. So I stuffed some dirt in the pocket of my peach windbreaker and stuffed the poor dude in there as well. When I got back home I realized to my horror I had ZIPPED THE SALAMANDERS HEAD OFF.
    Because it was dark and I was trying to be stealth and the thing was def trying not to live in a monsters windbreaker fo lyfe, I had made a grave error. So I took that little lifeless, headless body buried it in the yard AND TOLD NO ONE (Mafia style). Before right now I had only told my bf at age 27. He says it's fine that I'm a horrible killing machine.
  2. Black Swallowtail Butterfly Age 10: I was all about catching the B flies. Some kinds were more rare to come across, such as the Black Swallowtail. I just thought they were beautiful and mysterious looking, I loved them. I wanted to look at one close up in a plastic cage with a bunch of grass and sticks and plucked dandelions it dgaf about.
    So when I finally managed to bag one with my net...IT DIED. Like immediately. Like it realized it would be better to end it's life then be trapped over night and look at my wierd face. I have always thought of it as a life lesson like, once your dreams come true, THEY DIE.
  3. Grasshoppers Age 10: I once thought it would be a good idea and try to catch as many grasshoppers (like 80) as I could and put them all into a foldgers coffee can because I lived in nowhere-cowtown, VT and was an only child, duh. In reality it was very cruel to pile bugs on top of each other, like really fucked up.
    So I opened the can and they escaped all over the back porch going fucking everywhere so I freaked out and ran for the door trying to avoid crunching them all but it was a goddamn blood bath that I regret to this day.
  4. A fish Age 19 (guess I took a break from my killing spree): Went fishing with my friend Sabrina, who is the real serial killer btw. We were fishing in a catch and release fashion. So when I finally caught something I didn't know how to remove the hook properly and was scared of hurting it so it swallowed the hook
    past the point of no return and we had to watch it die. Or I did atleast, this Motherfucker next to me needs more bait so she picks up a small frog and skewered it on the hook. LIKE WTF???!!! What are you trying to catch, Kthulu??!! It was savage, bro.
  5. Drake's vibe.
    probably