THINGS I'VE HEARD AS A PARK RANGER
I worked at a State Park near Atlanta for several years and it was a fantastic experience, except for when I was asked these gems. All were from completely serious adults.
- •The most common. "Do you work here?," and it's rude alternative, "Do you know anything about this park?"No, I stole this uniform from a ranger who is currently tied up in a storage closet and now I wander the park hoping to trick unsuspecting visitors.
- •Woman behind me asks, "Do you want this?" Turn around. She's offering me a 6 foot long rat snake.🎶 Put that thing back where it came from or so help me 🎶
- •Another ranger is handling a live, clearly moving snake. "Is that snake real?"No, we thought it'd be easier to invest in state of the art snake puppets and just pretend they're real.
- •Visitor looks at taxidermy exhibit. "Are these alive?"No, we've trained all the animals to pose for hours on end. See how that snake maintains a perfectly posed striking position - it took months to train him.
- •Sees turtle walking. "Turtles can walk?!"How did you think they ate, drank, or moved? I think they thought turtles were just rocks with necks.
- •Visitor is going hiking. "Will the deer attack me?"Yes, be careful. The deer come here to eat berries and kick ass...and they're all out of berries.
- •"What's a canoe?"How have you lived this long?
- •Mountain is in the name of the park. "Is there a mountain here?"Dammit they're on to us! They're going to realize it's been a hill with a green screen this whole time.
- •About to ascend the mountain with a group of hikers. "Is there a lift we can take to the top? Stone Mountain has one."God forbid you actually use your legs for walking. I think this was the person Pixar had in mind when they created the lazy humans from Wall-E.
- •Hikers were repeatedly told the length and route of the trail. "We didn't realize how long it was. Can you come pick us up?"*swishes cape* To the park mobile! Also, I didn't realize my name was Ranger Uber.