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- •Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
- •The Daily Show
- •Samantha Bee
- •You want to eat ice cream later and feel justified instead of guilty? Get up.
- •You looked on Facebook recently and saw that some of your high school classmates have gained some weight.DO YOU WANT TO FEEL SUPERIOR AT YOUR REUNION? GET UP.
- •You literally have nothing else planned today except going to the gym.You are the epitome of lazy right now. Get up.
- •Yelp reviewerMoney's not a factor so I'll just travel the world and leave scathing reviews everywhere I go.
- •Perpetual fireman school studentI don't actually want to BE a fireman. Hello, that's too dangerous and hard. BUT I would like to be as buff as a fireman so I'll just enroll in the classes if that's even possible.
- •Angry poetI'm angry and I like to express it through poem trees