CHAPTER TITLES FOR MY SAD NOVEL

  1. 1.
    Did you ever read my piece about Krystal? They emailed me and invited me to tour their headquarters. It was the crowning achievement of my life. Then they never responded.
  2. 2.
    I abandoned my friends at the party, went home, took a Xanax and watched Gilmore Girls in my bed. It was a great time.
  3. 3.
    I don't really like people.
  4. 4.
    When I got my appendix out I was 12 and jacked up on morphine. It was a great time. I got an extra week of spring break; also I was in Florida.
  5. 5.
    I have always had a low self-esteem.
  6. 6.
    School is great. I cry a lot.
  7. 7.
    I can't be around people for more than three days at a time without getting burned out and wanting to kill them.
  8. 8.
    I look forward to opportunities where I can cry. I mean really, intensely cry.
  9. 9.
    I can't stop looking for approval online.
  10. 10.
    I'm not afraid of cats, they just hurt my self-esteem.