The man I love just joined this app and this is how I feel...
  1. First I got all excited
    Like 'yay' we can share this now!
  2. Then I was embarrassed of the first list that attempted to be funny
    We've been together for ten years and living together for nine of those and I love that this was my first thought...
  3. Then I was excited/embarrassed of the list that was about him
    It's a pretty honest list in a tone that I wouldn't use toward him...calling him 'the man I love' already feels like I'm stepping out if the routines of our relationship...this guy is not into romance, y'all
  4. Then I was shocked because I remembered specific items on that list
    Noooo, he's gonna read that and get all angry and start to accuse me (you don't do housework either...etc pp)
  5. Then I started to worry that I wouldn't feel free to express myself around here anymore
    There is a warm summer breeze around these parts and I fe really save opening up to you guys...and discovering stuff about myself through that. And coming to terms with other stuff... It's way easier to do that knowing that you can talk about yourself and yourself only. With him around I feel like I could say something that would hurt him if I only think about myself...
  6. Then I realized the possibility for a new kind of openness and therefore growth of us and felt scared shitless and really happy.
    If he knows the things I censored from him and still wants me that would lead to a new stage of feeling accepted that I've been prohibiting up till now.
  7. Then I realized that it's been 24 hours and he hasn't even used the app once
    I don't know how I feel about this. Is it good? Will he forget about it now? Will it loom over my head until I'll want to stop doing this? (Or get a new account that he doesn't know about?)