MY DAILY SCHEDULE AS AN UNDERGRAD

College is new; college is different; college is sorta hard? From balancing your budget to deciding if your sheets can last another week without getting washed, here's a look at my typical day.
  1. β€’
    Wake up
    You snooze, you lose, right? WRONG. The only thing you lose by being late to your 10:20 class is the respect of your professor, but who needs that when you can get 5 more minutes of mediocre sleep x10 snoozes.
  2. β€’
    Pick an outfit
    When you don't have money to do laundry, what do you do? You keep a nice pile of slightly used clothes and spray some Marc Jacobs perfume to cover up the musk. What girl actually plans their outfit anymore? oh, they all do? shit. oh well. #hispter #grunge
  3. β€’
    Forgo breakfast
    most important meal of the day my ass. I'm still alright from my ramen at 3am. πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ»
  4. β€’
    Class time
    Maybe you're a little late... just make it up to your professor by being a stellar student and participating to the point where the rest of your classmates think you're kissing ass (because you totally are).
  5. β€’
    Break/Meal
    Oh the dining hall. If you can't find anyone to accompany you, which I never can, just forget about it. There's nothing more pathetic than eating alone at a cafeteria. Just go get some tenders and fries and sit in obscure corner of the tavern.
  6. β€’
    Class
    Hey! At least you're on time for this one. Now, you can forgo the whole "suck up" thing and browse the internet like a total wanker because this professor gives less shits about this class than you do. Check out buzzfeed and figure out what teletubby you are.
  7. β€’
    Class
    Why did you pick three classes in one day again? oh, yeah, you didn't think this part through. silly, Freshman.
  8. β€’
    Return to Dorm
    Don't take a nap. Well... maybe just like 30 minutes. Add a couple snoozes and now it's 9pm. Guess what time it is?
  9. β€’
    DINNER TIME
    Well, the dining room is closed so I guess that leaves you with subway. What vile combination of bread, meat, cheese, and toppings are you going to get today?
  10. β€’
    HOMEWORK
    Wow... that midnight essay deadline is fast approaching... are you going to make it in time?
  11. β€’
    Midnight Existential Crisis
    You turned in your paper on timeβ€” barely. Try not to procrastinate so much next time? Oh, who cares. There's a 137% chance you're still going to procrastinate tomorrow and a 482% chance you're procrastinating on something else right now. Not to mention you're not even sure if all this debt is worth all the stress... what is college anyway? A social construct that kills its youth with insurmountable expectations, ultimately signifying nothing? sigh.
  12. β€’
    Bed
    It's 4 am. You've been reading gay fanfiction for the past 3 hours and you're not even sorry. You set your alarm a little earlier so you have time for a shower. You're definitely going to wake up on time from now on. Then again, that's what you said since school started in August. Lets face it, maybe you should accept you're not going to have time to bathe.