REASONS WHY WATERPARKS ARE WEIRD AS HELL

  1. unclean
  2. detached from the passage of time and make you feel like you're in limbo somewhere between 1972 and now
    probably because old people basically never buy new swimsuits and waterparks never update their rides
  3. not trendy
  4. have never been trendy
  5. will never be trendy
  6. somehow always full
  7. heard a creep describe a waterpark as "erotic"
    I don't know if he was implying that the slides were shaped phallically or that they're curvy or something else, idk
  8. unidentifiable griminess blankets bathrooms
  9. kids piss constantly everywhere always
  10. who wakes up in the morning excited to go to a waterpark
  11. lazy rivers (where u just float on a tire thing) are fucking bullshit