The 5 Steps You Go Through After Slicing Off the Top of Your Thumb.

  1. 1. Repeat no, no, no, 39 times in different octaves.
  2. 2. Don't look as you wrap it in a paper towel. Seriously. Don't. Look.
  3. 3. Go to ER for tetanus shot. Still don't look.
  4. 4. Change your bandage with your eyes closed.
  5. 5. Look. Marvel at how much it looks like a deli item. Appreciate the jaunty new angle. Learn to love your cute new imperfection.