FIVE JOB OFFERS I WOULD ACCEPT REGARDLESS OF SALARY

Requested by @blisssara
  1. Elephant trainer/caretaker.
  2. Ben & Jerry's Flavor Guru
  3. Anything critic
    Food, band, book, whatever it is, I'm reading to judge it and write about it.
  4. Extra in a @mindy production
    She is one of my favorite humans and my life would peak at that moment.
  5. Fortune cookie fortune writer
    Because I think I can do a better job than "Your shoes will make you happy today".