BARMAID'S LAMENT

An average day. And as much as I'd like to shut it down each time, this is the hospitality industry and the goal is to keep customers coming back... And keeping a tense smile plastered to my face.
  1. When I start going on and on about whiskey, you say: "It's just surprising to hear a girl know so much about that stuff."
    Well, I'm a woman, and I just fucking schooled you.
  2. When I start going on and on about beer, you say: "wow, most girls aren't into beer."
    Well, I'm a woman, and I am.
  3. Alternatively, "how do you stay so skinny drinking all that beer?"
    I don't know, how do YOU stay so skinny drinking all that beer?
  4. When I talk about food, "no way you eat that stuff!" Or even, "you're not a person who eats."
    I do. I am. ...sorry??? (Definitely not sorry)
  5. "I love your tattoos!" Me: "thanks!" You: *grab my arm from across the bar to take a closer look.*
    Was that an invitation to touch me? No.
  6. "Those jeans are MUCH better than the ones your usually wear! I love those."
    Ok, thanks.
  7. "You should wear those more. Don't you want to look sexy?"
    Yup. I got it. Understood. Please stop.
  8. "You're so beautiful/sexy/etc."
    Is that relevant? Who would say that to a male bartender? Or a male manager? I mean, I might. But that's me. This just makes me uncomfortable.
  9. You: "Can I buy you a drink/dinner sometime?" Me: "I'm sorry, I'm not really interested." You: "oh, I'll change your mind."
    No you won't.
  10. You: "Can I buy you a drink/dinner sometime?" Me: "I'm flattered, but I'm seeing someone right now." You: "you say that now, but lemme take you out and you'll see who the better choice is."
    Yeah. It's him. Not you.
  11. I can't talk to you for 10 minutes straight. I have a job to do. And a full bar.
  12. Have some fucking respect. I'm really good at what I do, let me do it.
  13. Thanks!