I WAS PREGNANT LAST NIGHT

In my dream.
  1. The father was my summer camp boyfriend, Max Weiner.
    I haven't seen him in 12 years.
  2. I was wearing a big, flowy, shiny gold top.
  3. All my friends were "ratchet" girls.
    I have never actually used this term so I'm not sure I'm doing it right.
  4. I wanted them to take a photo of me to send to Max,
    But each photo they took ended up looking obscene. The gold top would look like my skin, and it would appear that I was touching myself. I really just wanted a cute pic of me holding my belly. I didn't understand how that was so hard.
  5. I went from slightly bloated to early third trimester overnight.
    And it had just hit me that it was too late to decide not to have the baby.
  6. I'd been drinking a lot and was concerned.
  7. My friend, who I'm pretty sure was @shanaz (not ratchet, don't worry), said "seriously, not drinking will be like second nature. You won't even have to think about it, baby won't let you."
  8. And I'm thinking "yeah, but I got black out drunk like 3 nights ago. And maybe I didn't know I was pregnant or I forgot or something, but baby definitely let me."
  9. There were a lot of really provocative photos of me and all my girlfriends in weird black and white harlequin outfits, kinda wrapped around each other.
    They were like Harry Potter photos (moving around a bit).
  10. I was very preoccupied by making sure my father never saw them.
  11. We were on a bus that kept stopping places when all I wanted was to see Max and have his damn baby.
  12. I woke up and thought, "damn. That's a crazy dream...
  13. .
  14. .
  15. .
  16. ...I would never wear that top."