Thanks for the inspiration, @stars. You are absolutely right.
  1. I'm so rude.
  2. Oh you wanted to read those?
  3. Oh you wanted to stand up?
  4. Oh you wanted to get some work done?
    I'd rather you not.
  5. Oh you wanted to eat a pomegranate in bed without my judgmental gaze?
    You're a goddamned slob.
  6. Oh you wanted to use those arms?
  7. Oh you wanted to sleep?
    It's interfering with my prayer time.
  9. -wait that feels kinda nice.
  10. I'll just nap on top of you now.
  11. Fuck you, I'm a model.
  12. I have many important model people to meet.
  13. I'm going to shoot a hair commercial because look at me, I am a model.
  14. Lots of important model places to be,
    But I guess I can sit on your lap a little bit longer.
  15. Ok, hello sister.
    I will allow you to lie there because you look fashionable on me.
  16. Um... That's quite the grip you've got with your tail, there.
  18. I'm so young and spry and bendy.
  19. You'll never be so bendy.
  20. Fear my laser eyes, mortals.
  21. These other cats do not fear them,
    But they should fear them.
  22. Did you forget how fat you're getting?
    I'll give you a little squeeze to help you remember.
  23. I will actively NOT kill beetles for you.
    Ok so that's Norma, but he was sitting right behind her.
  24. I am so much prettier than you will ever be.
  25. I mean, just look me.
    Actually, go get some sunglasses first.
  26. Because you are not as pretty-
    I will cover your face to hide your shame.
  27. Is something interesting happening? That isn't about me?
    I give zero fucks.
  28. I
  29. WILL
  30. MURDER
  31. YOU
  32. I am no man's plaything!
  33. Oh, but... Warm snuggles.
    You'll live another day, asshole.
  34. BOOB
  35. IS
  36. MINE
  37. Should I have stopped the evil man from taking a really gross close-up of you?
    Oops! Sorry.
  38. I will aggressively clash with your bras and your torso.
  39. Anything you can do,
    I can do better.
  40. I can do anything
    Better than you.
  41. Did you enjoy not having what looks like a giant turd coming out of your pattootie?
    Too damn bad.
  42. Did you want to change the channel?
    Fuck you.
  43. I'm a Republican.
  44. DON'T
  45. LOOK
  46. AWAY.