THE WORST DATE I'VE EVER BEEN ON 😖
Inspired by @ListPrompts. I opted for "funny" worst, rather than something darker. But this one was a doozy.
- •It was junior year of high school,And a lot of us were figuring out our sexuality.
- •(Let's call her) "Courtney" was gorgeous, smart, athletic, musical, and very, very cold.Almost "are you a real human being?" cold.
- •She was, however, very sweet in her own way.She drove 45 minutes to my house with soup because "you're sick and I don't hate you. I guess it would suck if you died."
- •She stuck a note in the front pocket of my backpack after choir one night.My best friend Joanna and I wrote notes all day every day, so I figure Courtney thought I wouldn't notice it right away.
- •It read: "everyone else here seems to be gay, or thinks that they might be gay. It's as good a time as any for me to figure that out for myself. You are as suitable of a partner as any."That is a direct quote. I will never forget it.
- •I was doing the exploration thing myself.Liberal all-girls high school? Come on, we all had our moments.
- •Was I into her romantically? Not necessarily.But we were friends, she was very attractive, and I was out of control curious as to how it would play out.
- •She planned it out in the most neurotically methodical way imaginable."I'll pick you up, you bring flowers. Is that old-fashioned? Ok no flowers. But you can give me one flower, that's romantic, right? I don't like roses. And you can pay for parking but I'll pay for dinner because I asked you out. Is that sexist? I guess not, we're both women. So do we both pay? No, I'm going to pay. But should you order my meal for me?" And on and on and on.
- •She picked me up at 6:00,And we went to see LOTR ROTK at The Grove, followed by dinner at Johnny Rockets. I will always love her for refusing to say the full movie title before abbrevs were totes cool.
- •She deliberately and aggressively held my hand during the movie,With a look of determination on her face the whole time.
- •In our booth, she sat next to me, declaring that it was more romantic that way.She kept holding my hand.
- •I think she'd memorized a list of "first date conversation topics," all of which she blazed through in about an hour.She and I were already friends. Like "in two choirs together smoke weed together drink together sleepovers together cry together" friends. If it weren't so bizarrely funny, it might have been scary.
- •After we shared a milkshake, she put her hand on my face, looked me square in the eyes, and kissed me.It was pleasant.
- •She looked at me and said, "that was lovely but I just don't think I like women very much. I don't even want to be friends with most women, much less date one, but I guess I had to find out."Then, she stood up and sat back down across from me.
- •The following is another exact quote: "If I do go into the business of tossing salads, yours will be the first one I think of. You're also a good kisser."I believe she shook my hand at that point but that might be an embellishment I've added over the years of telling this story.
- •Two weeks later, we shot our own version of the music video to "Crazy" by Aerosmith.It was really, really sexy.