THE WORST DATE I'VE EVER BEEN ON 😖

Inspired by @ListPrompts. I opted for "funny" worst, rather than something darker. But this one was a doozy.
  1. It was junior year of high school,
    And a lot of us were figuring out our sexuality.
  2. (Let's call her) "Courtney" was gorgeous, smart, athletic, musical, and very, very cold.
    Almost "are you a real human being?" cold.
  3. She was, however, very sweet in her own way.
    She drove 45 minutes to my house with soup because "you're sick and I don't hate you. I guess it would suck if you died."
  4. She stuck a note in the front pocket of my backpack after choir one night.
    My best friend Joanna and I wrote notes all day every day, so I figure Courtney thought I wouldn't notice it right away.
  5. It read: "everyone else here seems to be gay, or thinks that they might be gay. It's as good a time as any for me to figure that out for myself. You are as suitable of a partner as any."
    That is a direct quote. I will never forget it.
  6. I was doing the exploration thing myself.
    Liberal all-girls high school? Come on, we all had our moments.
  7. Was I into her romantically? Not necessarily.
    But we were friends, she was very attractive, and I was out of control curious as to how it would play out.
  8. She planned it out in the most neurotically methodical way imaginable.
    "I'll pick you up, you bring flowers. Is that old-fashioned? Ok no flowers. But you can give me one flower, that's romantic, right? I don't like roses. And you can pay for parking but I'll pay for dinner because I asked you out. Is that sexist? I guess not, we're both women. So do we both pay? No, I'm going to pay. But should you order my meal for me?" And on and on and on.
  9. She picked me up at 6:00,
    And we went to see LOTR ROTK at The Grove, followed by dinner at Johnny Rockets. I will always love her for refusing to say the full movie title before abbrevs were totes cool.
  10. She deliberately and aggressively held my hand during the movie,
    With a look of determination on her face the whole time.
  11. In our booth, she sat next to me, declaring that it was more romantic that way.
    She kept holding my hand.
  12. I think she'd memorized a list of "first date conversation topics," all of which she blazed through in about an hour.
    She and I were already friends. Like "in two choirs together smoke weed together drink together sleepovers together cry together" friends. If it weren't so bizarrely funny, it might have been scary.
  13. After we shared a milkshake, she put her hand on my face, looked me square in the eyes, and kissed me.
    It was pleasant.
  14. She looked at me and said, "that was lovely but I just don't think I like women very much. I don't even want to be friends with most women, much less date one, but I guess I had to find out."
    Then, she stood up and sat back down across from me.
  15. The following is another exact quote: "If I do go into the business of tossing salads, yours will be the first one I think of. You're also a good kisser."
    I believe she shook my hand at that point but that might be an embellishment I've added over the years of telling this story.
  16. Two weeks later, we shot our own version of the music video to "Crazy" by Aerosmith.
    It was really, really sexy.