Also, "L.A.?" Please. LA. Don't make me type out those periods; I'll just fucking write Los Angeles like a goddamn human being.
  1. This:
  2. "'Getting back to nature' is a visit to Runyon Canyon." (Google image search Runyon Canyon if that means nothing to you)
    Fuck that. Hike-wise: Griffith Park or a full on trip to White City/Angeles Crest Malibu OR ACTUALLY GOING CAMPING.
  3. "You get more 'promoter texts' on a Monday than people who live in other cities get in a month."
    What is a promoter text? Has anyone gotten one? Non-LA people, have you gotten any this month? What's wrong with me that I haven't gotten any?!? 😖
  4. "You would never date someone with an 818 phone number... For good reason."
    Ok, that's the ENTIRE VALLEY plus Burbank and Glendale. Plus that's ridiculous. Plus no one thinks that. (....anymore). Valley hate is so tired (@Nicholas).
  5. "The club you went to last night has had 3 different names in the last 9 months."
    Well, I don't go to da club, but I guess that happens. It definitely did to my old restaurant: Mad Bull's closed July 2014, Murph's Oct. 2014-March 2015, Downtown Johnny's April 2015-Dec. 2015, currently TBD. The owner is a crackpot. His pot=cracked.
  6. "You think any car worth less than $100k is a bucket."
    Not all of us can be @JeremyPivot (but all of us can want to be @JeremyPivot).
  7. "You don't even blink when a 60-year-old man gets into the club before you do."
    Again with da club. Is this a thing that occurs at da clubs? With the implied context, I can imagine this happening, but I would otherwise assume I could get in faster than said 60-year-old. Maybe this bullet was written from the perspective of a man. Thoughts?
  8. "You feel the need to dress up to go watch football."
    Nope. Although I am slowly starting to care about football. By 2019 when the Rams' stadium is completed in Inglewood, I may even be a fan. But still nope. Maybe mascara though? Definitely pants. Maybe pants.
  9. "Every girl at the pool party is wearing heels, and god forbid someone actually gets in it."
    You're confusing LA with Las Vegas. Common mistake. I myself wore heels at both Las Vegas pool parties I attended and I'm not ashamed.
  10. "It starts raining and everyone forgets how to drive."
    Ok, here's the thing. EVERYBODY SAYS THIS. So that would mean many of the shitty sky-water drivers are people who show disdain for shitty sky-water drivers. Do we all secretly fear the sky-water and project our shame onto all others? Who am I?!
  11. "Your car insurance is as much as your house payment."
    Hahahahahahaha. No.
  12. "You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home."
    Me: no, because I work those bar hours (small perk). But this is unfortunately true for many people.
  13. "When giving directions, you follow up with the phrase: 'With/Without traffic.'"
    Yup. But I also provide peak times/etc. because I'm considerate.
  14. "If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving."
    Fuck that. But for most people, yes.
  15. "You drive next to a Rolls Royce/Bentley and don't notice."
    100%. But, I am not one to notice cars in general, unless it's Jay Leno driving one of his antiques (which I've seen more than 5 times in different parts of town).
  16. "You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll."
    Yeah, at 3am. Otherwise, full and complete stop. I don't want a ticket. But otherwise, The Roll is alive and well.
  17. "You have a gym membership because it's mandatory."
    Oops! Does that mean I can't stay? To be fair, I am considering a membership at a rock climbing gym downtown...
  18. In conclusion:
  19. (Mostly) bullshit.
  20. @bjnovak is this why this app exists? As a response to crap lists like these?
  21. If so, well done.
    (If not, still well done.)