Enclosed, a plethora of florid options for nasal pejoratives, courtesy of Cyrano de Bergerac:
  1. Aggressive.
    Sir, if I had such a nose I’d amputate it!
  2. Friendly.
    When you sup it must annoy you, dipping in your cup; you need a drinking-bowl of special shape!
  3. Descriptive.
    ‘Tis a rock! A peak! A cape! – A cape, forsooth! ‘Tis a peninsular!
  4. Curious.
    How serves that oblong capsular? For scissor-sheath? Or pot to hold your ink?
  5. Gracious.
    You love the little birds, I think? I see you’ve managed with a fond research to find their tiny claws a roomy perch!
  6. Truculent.
    When you smoke your pipe... suppose that the tobacco-smoke spouts from your nose – do not the neighbors, as the fumes rise higher, cry terror-struck: “The chimney is afire?"
  7. Considerate.
    Take care... your head bowed low by such a weight... lest head o’er heels you go!
  8. Tender.
    Pray get a small umbrella made, lest its bright color in the sun should fade!
  9. Pedantic.
    That beast Aristophanes names Hippocamelelephantoles must have possessed just such a solid lump of flesh and bone, beneath his forehead’s bump!
  10. Cavalier.
    The last fashion, friend, that hook? To hang your hat on? ‘Tis a useful crook!
  11. Emphatic.
    No wind, O majestic nose, can give THEE cold!–save when the mistral blows!
  12. Dramatic.
    When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!
  13. Admiring.
    Sign for a perfumery!
  14. Lyric.
    Is this a conch? A Triton you?
  15. Simple.
    When is the monument on view?
  16. Rustic.
    That thing a nose? Marry-come-up! ‘Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip
  17. Military.
    Point against cavalry!
  18. Practical.
    Put it in a lottery! Assuredly ‘twould be the biggest prize!
  19. Parodying Pyramus' sighs.
    Behold the nose that mars the harmony of its master’s phiz! Blushing its treachery!