BEST WAYS TO LOSE A BREAKUP
The most important thing to do after a breakup is spend every waking minute trying to win the breakup. Here are some good ways to not win your breakup.
- •Start brushing your teeth with the juice from a tuna can.
- •Become the manager of a Sugar Ray cover band.
- •Invest your life savings in Pringles memorabilia.
- •Get a job at Hardee's. Not out of necessity. Just because you really like Hardee's.
- •Buy confederate flag suspenders from Walmart.
- •Stop using body wash and start using ArmorAll car protectant wipes.
- •Spend a lot of time vlogging about Fat Elvis. Not his music. Just the foods he possibly ate day to day that may have contributed to his weight gain.
- •Binge watch the show Two Broke Girls.
- •Try to earn a living making art from trashed Razr Scooter wheels.
- •Become a squatter. But only in neighborhood treehouses.
- •Show up to your highschool reunion and sing Skrillex songs a cappella.
- •Sneak onto middle school playgrounds and try to freestyle rap battle the kids.
- •Develop Crocs-inspired winter gloves
- •Wear pants that zip off at the knee
- •Wear a shirt that zips off right at the equator of your nipples.
- •Become mediocre at riding a unicycle.
- •When helping someone move, always insist on picking up one too many boxes at a time. Bonus points if you stack them so high that one box slides backwards over the top of your head.