The most important thing to do after a breakup is spend every waking minute trying to win the breakup. Here are some good ways to not win your breakup.
  1. Start brushing your teeth with the juice from a tuna can.
  2. Become the manager of a Sugar Ray cover band.
  3. Invest your life savings in Pringles memorabilia.
  4. Get a job at Hardee's. Not out of necessity. Just because you really like Hardee's.
  5. Buy confederate flag suspenders from Walmart.
  6. Stop using body wash and start using ArmorAll car protectant wipes.
  7. Spend a lot of time vlogging about Fat Elvis. Not his music. Just the foods he possibly ate day to day that may have contributed to his weight gain.
  8. Binge watch the show Two Broke Girls.
  9. Try to earn a living making art from trashed Razr Scooter wheels.
  10. Become a squatter. But only in neighborhood treehouses.
  11. Show up to your highschool reunion and sing Skrillex songs a cappella.
  12. Sneak onto middle school playgrounds and try to freestyle rap battle the kids.
  13. Develop Crocs-inspired winter gloves
  14. Wear pants that zip off at the knee
  15. Wear a shirt that zips off right at the equator of your nipples.
  16. Become mediocre at riding a unicycle.
  17. When helping someone move, always insist on picking up one too many boxes at a time. Bonus points if you stack them so high that one box slides backwards over the top of your head.