Dreary weather getting you down about the breakup? Still living in the same house with your roommate-formerly-known-as-that-special-someone as you both ride out the lease in order to save money at the low low price of making things more awkward for several months? Just plain bored? Here’s some fun activities to help keep your mind occupied!
  1. Sit on the train with your hands folded and catch yourself lazily stroking your index finger. Realize it’s been three months since you’ve held anyone’s hand. Now color it in!
  2. Winter is coming! Try to remember where you put that warm hat she got you for Christmas, or did you bitterly toss it in the trash while black-out drunk? Add cinnamon for extra zing!
  3. Find a tender note she hid for you months after it no longer matters. Burn it. Stare at the ceiling for an hour. Feeds one.
  4. Wonder about the hobbies, tastes, and age of cute stranger sitting near you at the bar, not that you’ll actually do anything about it. See how many times you can do it in one day, then try to break that record. Remember, it’s all about constantly improving yourself!
  5. Use a mirror to practice making your forced smile look natural in anticipation of meeting her new beau at her birthday party in six hours. Promise yourself that you will not say anything backhanded, weep openly, or drop twenty bucks in the jukebox to play Naughty by Nature’s “O.P.P.” on endless repeat. Now glue on glitter in fun geometric patterns!
  6. Make a mental inventory of the friends and family left behind, as well as every personal item you sold to move to another state so that she could pursue her dream. Pull the first string through the opening and then pull it up and tighten to make a knot. Repeat this step again on the next string.
  7. Count your blessings and wonder why they only go up to three. Trace around your hand and now you have a turkey missing a feather and a head.
  8. Remember all the women whose gentle flirts you politely ignored after you got involved / engaged / married, especially the cute ones. Realize that they have all long since moved on, and in some cases, sobered up. Now slowly add the baking soda to watch the chemical reaction as the solution bubbles up to the top.