“Mother’s Maiden Name”, “City of Birth”, “Childhood Pet” and other easily sourced information are very weak links in the security chain of privacy. Here’s some truly personal, private password reset questions that banks, credit card companies, and adult entertainment distributors should employ moving forward.
  1. What city did you live in when first truly understood regret?
  2. What was the unnamed problem that both of you knew deep in your hearts caused your last relationship to end?
  3. What is the name of the unspeakable dread that keeps you awake at night?
  4. How many months of your life have you wasted watching TV, sleeping in, or debating which Doctor was the best in YouTube comments?
  5. What is your favorite Jolly Rancher flavor (sponsored by the Hershey Company)?
  6. How old were you when you first felt the full weight of your own mortality?
  7. What is the name of the individual who became the ideal template in your mind that all future romantic partners were compared to, from back when you were young, before the world hardened you?
  8. What is the shallow platitude you use day after day to keep moving one foot after the other, despite the feeling of entropy and ennui building steadily inside you?