PS I'm an extrovert.
  1. When someone tries to seduce you, you punch them directly in the genitals
  2. If someone invites you to a party or social gathering, you immediately begin speaking in tongues and then fall into a coma
  3. When you make eye contact with someone on the elevator, you exit at your floor and then commit ritual disembowelment
  4. If someone sends you a friend request on Facebook, you throw your computer out the window
  5. When engaging in small talk at a cocktail party, you experience the conversation as if outside your own body and everything looks like Google Deep Dream
  6. If you randomly run into an acquaintance on the street, you say "hi" and then leap into the nearest garbage can
  7. When meeting someone for the first time, you projectile vomit
  8. The thought of calling someone on the phone is worse than the thought of bathing in animal excrement
  9. You fall asleep during job interviews
  10. A conversation with the check-out clerk at the grocery store feels like someone is rolling you up very tightly in a carpet and then setting the carpet on fire
  11. The last party you went to was over 15 years ago and attendance was mandatory
  12. Everyone hates you