Seldom Heard u.s. Open Commentary

Then again, you never know!
  1. "Williams is hugging the baseline much in the same manner that I wish my mother hugged me when I was a boy."
  2. "Arthur Ashe was an incredible inspiration to this sport, and despite dying from AIDS-related causes, was not gay at all."
  3. "Champions really know how to build momentum. Now let's take a break from the action to bring you this important message from Axe Body Spray."
  4. "This is high-intensity tennis. One might even say it's really INTENNIS. Know what I mean, guys? Guys?"
  5. "Male players tend to make 63% of their second serves, whereas the female players only tend to make 61%, an incredibly precise but ultimately pointless comparison to make."
  6. "Did you know that this area of Queens has the highest concentration of Halal Meat joints in the outer boroughs, per capita?"
  7. "I'm just talking right now because if I didn't this broadcast would get super weird really fast, don't you think?"
  8. "Wow, his ground serve has really accelerated. Anyone know what the fuck that means?"
  9. "Amazing, that serve was faster than any car I have ever driven ever. By like a good 15 or 20 miles per hour, by the way. Whee-oo."
  10. "Players tend to wipe down their racquets between sets because no one wants to play with a sweaty racquet or with a racquet that has sweat all over it or with sweaty equipment in general."
  11. "Thank God I'm wasted or this would be fucking unbearable."