Seldom Heard u.s. Open Commentary
Then again, you never know!
- •"Williams is hugging the baseline much in the same manner that I wish my mother hugged me when I was a boy."
- •"Arthur Ashe was an incredible inspiration to this sport, and despite dying from AIDS-related causes, was not gay at all."
- •"Champions really know how to build momentum. Now let's take a break from the action to bring you this important message from Axe Body Spray."
- •"This is high-intensity tennis. One might even say it's really INTENNIS. Know what I mean, guys? Guys?"
- •"Male players tend to make 63% of their second serves, whereas the female players only tend to make 61%, an incredibly precise but ultimately pointless comparison to make."
- •"Did you know that this area of Queens has the highest concentration of Halal Meat joints in the outer boroughs, per capita?"
- •"I'm just talking right now because if I didn't this broadcast would get super weird really fast, don't you think?"
- •"Wow, his ground serve has really accelerated. Anyone know what the fuck that means?"
- •"Amazing, that serve was faster than any car I have ever driven ever. By like a good 15 or 20 miles per hour, by the way. Whee-oo."
- •"Players tend to wipe down their racquets between sets because no one wants to play with a sweaty racquet or with a racquet that has sweat all over it or with sweaty equipment in general."
- •"Thank God I'm wasted or this would be fucking unbearable."