WHAT WILL BE AT MY FUNERAL

These things will be there..... but will you?
  1. bottomless ham sandwiches
    is bottomless a term that can be used for things other than alcohol?
  2. Kenneth from 30 Rock
    he would cry and give a moving speech and make me seem like I was a much better person than I probably was
  3. a towel folding of myself
    my body cannot be that much more complex than a swan
  4. suede everything
  5. an 80's pop cover band
    because friends and family will have to sit through the entire thing and my ghost will thoroughly enjoy watching their misery
  6. My ashes displayed in one of those hip glass bottles that urban foodie hotspots serve water out of
  7. Doughnut Vault food truck parked outside
    Menu: "casket cream" "tombstone toasted marshmallow" "Danish death doughnut" possibly RIPumpkin Spice Latte" (if I die in the fall)
  8. a slideshow set to Rapper's Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang
    the 14 minute 35 second album version OBVIOUSLY
  9. ponchos to wear in case guests get cold