1. Police Sketch Artist.
    Most people look like ALF and coincidently I'm really good at drawing ALF.
  2. Comptroller.
    Mostly because I don't know what a comptroller is.
  3. Pharmacist.
    I would be fired after the 5th Matrix reference, I'm assuming.
  4. Soccer Referee.
    I'm still not sure why goalies wear their own shirt to the game.
  5. Shoe salesman.
    I would encourage people to find one shoe they like and just buy another pair when the old ones wore out.
  6. Fisherman.
    I don't own a fishing pole!
  7. Magician.
    I'm not fluent in using a wand. It would take too long for me to start learning now, I'll never catch up. Also, for similar reasons I would be a terrible Band Instructor.