Things That You Can't Help When Your Office Is by the Bathroom

For better or worse this is real life...
  1. Constantly making eye contact with people as they shamefully walk past you to enter the bathroom.
  2. Subconsciously timing everyone who enters.
  3. The cringeworthy feeling you get when you hear a double flush.
  4. Wondering if they broke the toilet paper dispenser because they pull with such audible force.
  5. The proud feeling when the guy who owns it walks in the same time everyday.
  6. The emails you send when your co-workers' crush has been in there longer 3 minutes.
  7. More unwilling eye contact as the individuals peer back into your office when they are finished.
  8. How little sympathy you have for the 'casual bystander' when they hear the office creep muttering/groaning to himself mid-deed.
  9. When you have to shame an entire floor for poor etiquette - "please light a match, you know who you are."
  10. Noticing that someone has toilet paper on their person and you say nothing. I don't owe them anything. We all have our own lessons to learn.
  11. You become the unofficial judge, jury and executioner of the office. You wield power that no one can truly understand.