OVERHEARD 1/4/16-1/8/16

Back at it again.
  1. Scratcher 1: I'm coming for you later. Scratcher 2: That doesn't sound ominous.
  2. So: Hammer pants, basically.
  3. You mean you're illiterate.
  4. It's a hot potato situation.
  5. He's the elf on the shelf.
  6. Your hatred is one of the most pleasant experiences I've ever had.
  7. This is a cabinet for files, but it's going to be filled with food.
  8. Hey, look how left out you are.
  9. I work best alone, silent killer style.
  10. Scratcher 1: What are you looking at? Scratcher 2: New pants. Scratcher 1: Good. You need new pants.
  11. It's a vendetta of convenience.
  12. This is a sad lunch.
  13. You know what he is not? A sexy beast.
  14. Listen, I was like, really manly, taking it apart with tools.
  15. What's this? Oh, it's my lunch.
  16. I have a very conflicted relationship with my laundry service.
  17. The vibe I'm getting from you today is very "Catwoman goes to the bodega." In a good way.
  18. Scratcher 1: Are you all mid-century modern? Scratcher 2: No, I'm more like current century IKEA.