THE FIRST THINGS WE'LL BUY (WELL, SOME OF US) IF WE WIN THE POWERBALL

Of course we're playing. As a group. Safety in numbers.
  1. A soundproof apartment
    Because I'll need somewhere to put my new speakers.
  2. The WuTang album
    Because apparently that's what rich people do.
  3. A huge engagement ring and a year-long honeymoon
    Because my girlfriend still loved me when I was poor.
  4. A financial planner
    Because nothing in my life has prepared me to make decisions of this magnitude.
  5. Real estate in Greenpoint/Williamsburg
    Because that's where I currently live, and I love the area. Also, it would be a great location for Airbnb!
  6. A private island
    Because beach houses are for millionaires. Billionaires have private islands with compounds built into the side of volcanoes...or is that super villains?
  7. A. All of Oprah’s favorite things; B. An island complete with his and her yachts, a set of jet skis, a helicopter, and friends; C. All the remaining tigers so they’ll never go extinct.
    A. Because I’ll never get a chance to be in the audience that wins them; B. Because I want endless beach and water sports for the rest of my days; C. Because they are my spirit animals, so if they go, I go with them.