12 Redheads I wouldn't want to sleep with

If you know me well enough, you know I have a thing for redheads. Natural or not, curly or straight. It's a great color for hair. But I still have standards, so here is a list of redheads that I would not sleep with if the opportunity arose.
  1. Carrot Top
    Starting off strong. I don't need to be in bed with this unfunny body building comic who looks the Riddler and The Joker made the worst offspring possible. Hard pass, Mr. Top.
  2. Reba MacEntire
    Maybe some redhead enthusiasts would disagree with me here, but I'm not a fan of mainstream country or lame sitcoms.
  3. Lady Gaga
    No matter what color wig, I don't enjoy any aspect of this woman. But even as a redhead, I don't see any improvement here. Get lost, Gaga!
  4. Kathy Griffin
    Besides her one quick scene in Pulp Fiction, this stand up comedian just doesn't do anything for me. And that voice would probably make me softer than microwaved play dough.
  5. Julianne Moore
    Great actress, nothing against her personally. She's not even unattractive. I would just respectfully decline if she were to suggest coitus. She's great in The Big Lebowski though.
  6. Florence Welch
    I can't help but just feel like she's overrated. She has one good song per album, and we all act like she's a musical genius. You're not getting close to my penis!
  7. Rupert Grint
    You're just not Ron Weasley anymore, dude. The rest of the HP cast has gone on and done enough to detach themselves from the franchise that made you all famous. But you just haven't done anything worth talking about. If you jump on board with a film that is worthwhile soon, you may find yourself on a list of redheads I would sleep with. But for now, you're on this list, buddy. Your magic won't work here.
  8. Hayley Williams
    This punk-rock vocalist is super-cute and has an amazing voice. What a woman! But, she recently got married to Chad Gilbert of New Found Glory. I got to meet him last year and he was such a cool guy. I wouldn't want to hurt him in any way so I would enjoy seeing them happy together more than banging my high school crushcrushcrush.
  9. Beaker
    Just by the shape of this muppet, I know that I wouldn't want to get involved. I know where you're going and I will not allow it.
  10. Lucille Ball
    It's fair to point out that as a 24 year old, my generation doesn't have much of an appreciation for I Love Lucy. That on top of Ball being deceased for quite some time now is enough for me to not want to get involved sexually with this comic legend.
  11. Axl Rose
    Ego alone is enough to decline any advances this rockstar makes. But the years haven't been kind to you either. My depiction of Paradise City is Axl free.
  12. Ariel
    Now, The Little Mermaid is my favorite Disney movie. And the artists responsible for drawing her did a great job of making this mermaid attractive. I'm not creepy, you know it too. However, there are a number of problems that arise in knocking fins with Ariel. First, she is a cartoon and that is physically impossible. Two, she has the lower half of a fish, and I don't need to remind you that that is where the necessary sex organ is. Next, her father would kill me. And lastly, she's 16. Go fish.