Food Words and Phrases I Never Want to Hear Again

  1. Bone broth
    Let's get some shit straight here. There is no such thing as bone broth. It's called stock, and even if you don't want to make it at home for like $0.10, you could just buy the cheap canned stock. And it doesn't have any magical unicorn fart healing properties. Which leads me to:
  2. Food is medicine
    No, it's not. Food is nourishment, and while it is critically important that you choose your food carefully and well, there is no one food that is a panacea for all ailments. Talking of which:
  3. Superfood
    Does it have a cape? Does it make you bulletproof? Does it give you X-ray vision? Nope, and that goji berry ain't gonna save you from a burning building, either.
  4. Paleo
    Just stop. You want to go back to caveman times? Good luck taking down that woolly mammoth. And please stop trying to make Paleo desserts. When you sweeten things with the tears of abandoned children, it doesn't taste good.
  5. Clean eating
    Eating is not clean. Stop pretending that if you only consume quinoa açai bowls your shit will come out albino white and smelling of Febreze.
  6. Cleanse
    See above. Food does not cleanse; organs cleanse, and they do a pretty good job of it. The only thing juice cleanses purge is money from your bank account.
  7. Plant-based
    I'm not against the concept, but something about the term bristles me. Maybe I should try a rock-based diet to see if we can take it one level lower yet.
  8. Ancient grains
    Marketing bullshit words. You know what grains looked like before widespread cultivation? Puny and scarce.
  9. Avocado toast
    Don't get me wrong. I love avocados, and I love toast, but why did all of a sudden so many people go OH MY GAWD PEOPLE YOU CAN PUT AVOCADO ON TOAST MIND BLOWN!!!!1!!!ELEVEN!! It's not fucking rocket science.