Food Words and Phrases I Never Want to Hear Again
- •Bone brothLet's get some shit straight here. There is no such thing as bone broth. It's called stock, and even if you don't want to make it at home for like $0.10, you could just buy the cheap canned stock. And it doesn't have any magical unicorn fart healing properties. Which leads me to:
- •Food is medicineNo, it's not. Food is nourishment, and while it is critically important that you choose your food carefully and well, there is no one food that is a panacea for all ailments. Talking of which:
- •SuperfoodDoes it have a cape? Does it make you bulletproof? Does it give you X-ray vision? Nope, and that goji berry ain't gonna save you from a burning building, either.
- •PaleoJust stop. You want to go back to caveman times? Good luck taking down that woolly mammoth. And please stop trying to make Paleo desserts. When you sweeten things with the tears of abandoned children, it doesn't taste good.
- •Clean eatingEating is not clean. Stop pretending that if you only consume quinoa açai bowls your shit will come out albino white and smelling of Febreze.
- •CleanseSee above. Food does not cleanse; organs cleanse, and they do a pretty good job of it. The only thing juice cleanses purge is money from your bank account.
- •Plant-basedI'm not against the concept, but something about the term bristles me. Maybe I should try a rock-based diet to see if we can take it one level lower yet.
- •Ancient grainsMarketing bullshit words. You know what grains looked like before widespread cultivation? Puny and scarce.
- •Avocado toastDon't get me wrong. I love avocados, and I love toast, but why did all of a sudden so many people go OH MY GAWD PEOPLE YOU CAN PUT AVOCADO ON TOAST MIND BLOWN!!!!1!!!ELEVEN!! It's not fucking rocket science.