How My Inner Hypochondriac Responds When I'm Sick

I'm not really a hypochondriac; in fact, I'm far more likely to let something go unchecked until it's a crisis. But there's always that little voice...
  1. Ugh, I don't feel well
    I hope I'm not coming down with a cold. No wait, it must be the flu. No, wait, what does the plague feel like? Cuz I'm pretty sure I have the plague. Or a touch of hemorrhagic fever.
  2. My head hurts
    Ow! It's like a knitting needle jammed in my skull. I probably have a brain tumor. I hate when I get brain tumors. Or an aneurysm.
  3. I can't shake this cough
    Hoo boy, I'm paying the piper for smoking clove cigarettes during my goth phase, and now I have emphysema. And lung cancer.
  4. I'm achy
    Preface: I do actually have a form of rheumatoid arthritis that doesn't bother me 99.99% of the time. But when it does, that's the time it's come for good and never leaving me.
  5. I'm queasy
    This can't have anything to do with being over served last night. I have salmonella from...something I ate.
  6. I'm tired
    God, am I always tired? I must have that yuppie flu they talked about a lot in the '90s and then everyone forgot existed.