How My Inner Hypochondriac Responds When I'm Sick
I'm not really a hypochondriac; in fact, I'm far more likely to let something go unchecked until it's a crisis. But there's always that little voice...
- •Ugh, I don't feel wellI hope I'm not coming down with a cold. No wait, it must be the flu. No, wait, what does the plague feel like? Cuz I'm pretty sure I have the plague. Or a touch of hemorrhagic fever.
- •My head hurtsOw! It's like a knitting needle jammed in my skull. I probably have a brain tumor. I hate when I get brain tumors. Or an aneurysm.
- •I can't shake this coughHoo boy, I'm paying the piper for smoking clove cigarettes during my goth phase, and now I have emphysema. And lung cancer.
- •I'm achyPreface: I do actually have a form of rheumatoid arthritis that doesn't bother me 99.99% of the time. But when it does, that's the time it's come for good and never leaving me.
- •I'm queasyThis can't have anything to do with being over served last night. I have salmonella from...something I ate.
- •I'm tiredGod, am I always tired? I must have that yuppie flu they talked about a lot in the '90s and then everyone forgot existed.