THINGS MY MOTHER NEVER LET ME DO WHEN I WAS YOUNG

This list makes her sound insane but she actually is the most perfect woman I know!!! I hold no resentment whatsoever.
  1. Have sleepovers
    "No one sleeps and you experiment with satanism"
  2. Have a boyfriend
    I was not allowed to date until high school, so when Tucker Rumkowsky called my house during the broadcast of the opening ceremony for the 2006 Winter Olympics to ask me if I wanted to go out with Connor Brown and I said yes, I had to call him back five minutes later to break up with him.
  3. Go to the mall to hang out
    "I don't want you becoming a mall rat, you'll regret it" I'm pretty sure I would regret it and am a little thankful I did not do this.
  4. Say "like"
    We had to give her 10 cents every time it slipped out. This did nothing and I say it all the time, but I can turn it off when I'm around her.
  5. Do yoga
    "You empty your mind and then the devil gets in"
  6. Draw on my body
    She never gave me a good reason for this??? But goddamn if I didn't draw on myself ALL THE TIME. I still do. And she still gets mad.
  7. Address her as "mom"
    "I just hate the way it sounds." We call her ma, mum, mama, mumzie, mummy, etc. At this point I also think "mom" sounds weird and will probably not want my kids calling me that.