Reasons why I am failing as a millennial

Yes, it absolutely makes me cooler than you. Please appreciate how non-millennial I am by reading this list I made on an app of how different and special and unlike the others I am.
  1. I still don't know how to correctly use Snapchat
    My profile "gif" (is that what it's called?) is the shirt I was wearing when I painfully tried to use the app for the first time. All I can say is that I most likely took the picture by accident. I didn't realize it was my profile picture until weeks later I (again accidentally) swiped that little ghost icon down. Still not sure how to change it. I also don't know how to add all those dog filters? I'm told you have to keep pressing something but when I do it it turns to video. Oh well...
  2. I haven't taken a selfie in weeks, maybe months.
    Nothing to do with a lack of narcissism. I am just terribly unphotogenic and hate having my picture taken by anyone, including myself.
  3. I don't have Netflix.
  4. I honestly don't know how it feels to be offended.
    Am I missing out on something here? Is it an actual feeling or is it just a fancy word for disapproval?
  5. I have yet to die, scream, screech or cry while reading/watching anything funny.
  6. I am a little bit sad that "y'all" has gone from a particular regional twist on a pronoun to the universal way by which one must address a group of people.
    Is it just me?
  7. How I feel about gluten-free/low-carb/paleo/anything involving kale/quinoa/chia seeds
    Ok. I'm editing this list because I ended up trying quinoa and it's not that bad. Paleo is still stupid and kale is still disgusting though.
  8. I CAN even
  9. To be continued...contributions welcome!