How to Apply for a Job: A Step by Step Guide

  1. Compile a résumé
    Maybe make separate résumés for the type of job you want but yolo
  2. Find your job board of choice
    I personally like indeed.com (for now)
  3. Scroll through 290 jobs and maybe find 2 or 3 that sound appealing
  4. Read the job descriptions
  5. Decide to work on a cover letter
  6. Open up an old cover letter
  7. Copy and paste the things that apply to this new job
  8. Decide maybe to put some effort into writing an original cover letter
  9. Change some sentences
  10. Spend around 3 hours writing a one page cover letter
  11. Decide not to reread it
  12. Attach your résumé and cover letter to the application
  13. Make a last minute decision to edit your cover letter
  14. Attach the new cover letter to the application
  15. Send in the application
  16. Have a brief moment of fleeting hope as the application gets sent
  17. Read a new job posting
  18. Decide you did enough applying for the day
  19. Anxiously wait for an email
  20. Receive a generic "thank you for applying" email in which they say "due to the volume of applicants, we will only notify you for an interview"
  21. Never receive an email for an interview
  22. In a 1 in 1,000 chance you are asked to interview, you spend half a day researching the company
  23. Take two hours to decide on an appropriate outfit
  24. Go in to interview
  25. Nail it
  26. Never get a call back about the interview
  27. Rinse and repeat