Why I Don't Trust My Boyfriend

He's really the worst 😘
  1. One time he spent roughly twenty minutes promising me he wouldn't throw a water balloon at me and then the moment I turned around HE FUCKING HIT ME WITH THE WATER BALLOON
    This was the start of it all.
  2. One time on our first date we pulled up to the (really nice) restaurant and I was mad underdressed and the couple in front of us didn't have reservations so they didn't get to sit outside and my boyfriend turns to me and goes "I hope we get to sit outside" and the hostess turns to us and asks if we had reservations and Eric goes "yes" !??!?!?!?
    HE FUCKING TRICKED ME ALSO SOME WARNING WOULD'VE BEEN NICE BECAUSE I SHOWED UP IN JEAN SHORTS
  3. One time at camp he told us he was going to sing us a song called "Eagle's Cry" and he jumps into this like five minute long melodramatic explanation of his life story and I was almost in tears and then he asked everyone to close their eyes because he "feels self-conscious singing" and then he FUCKING STARTS SQUAKING LIKE AN EAGLE
    This is my least favorite one. I literally jumped. Everyone screamed. We all hated him.
  4. One time we were doing a team building exercise and he told us a story about his grandfather's can and how it never touched the ground and I was so wrapped into it and my friend was like "is this a true story" and I was like "oh yeah definitely" and GUESS WHAT THE WHOLE STORY WAS A FUCKING LIE
    I take the blame on this one, I should've known it wasn't true. In the story his grandfather has his legs and his hands amputated. I feel like that's a little much. BUT I BELIEVED HIM.
  5. One time he told a story about a time he went to Australia and I totally believed him EVEN THOUGH HE HAD NEVER FUCKING BEEN TO AUSTRALIA AND I KNEW THAT
    ... I should've called him out on this one from the beginning honestly.
  6. One time he told everyone at camp that he wasn't coming back and made such a big dramatic deal about it and then he FUCKING FILLED OUT AN APPLICATION FOR THIS SUMMER A COUPLE DAYS AGO
    Everyone is mad at him for this tbh