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- •The last 3 minutes on the elliptical
- •Scrubbing a bathtub will all the might my fear of germs could summon
- •"Honestly, it's the only worthwhile thing about going to Venice"Bellinis are golden, Venice is trash.
- •"I don't think this is a cashmere throw"I fear my spa misled me...
- •"Who would even care if the pineapple puree in this kombucha is organic?"Also, what alternate universe do they live in that has any kombucha that's NOT organic
- •"Imagine being bad at Jeopardy"I shudder.
- •"New phone, who is this?"I just cannot accept new phone consumption is that high. Also, your contacts can transfer over.
- •"LOL"Are you really, truly laughing? And is it really, truly out loud?
- •"Hey, sorry my phone died! Just seeing this"Unless your phone battery is made out of 3 loose wires and a penny you rub against train tracks to make sparks I immediately dismiss this.
- •SleepingSometimes I sleep so powerfully I wake up physically drained. So drained, in fact, that I don't really think I need to ever really run a marathon.
- •LoungingNot to be confused with chilling. The waking version of sleep. Best done on couches or in restaurant booths. Poolside is a prime lounging location, also. Special shoutout to The Dutch at the W in Miami where I have done some of my peak lounging.
- •NappingRanging from quick power naps to four hours. More easily conducted in the daylight hours, though expert nappers may excel at the elusive nighttime nap.
- •RestingAnything but standing, though more often than not a horizontal activity. Eyes usually closed, but awake more so than not.
- •Drake songs that have made me cry
- •Drake lyrics as Instagram captions, ranked
- •Drake memes that need to exist
- •Wear a short sleeved gingham button down with the top button buttoned
- •Eat picnic foods off a plastic plate with the divided compartments that he has to oddly balance too close to his face with his too-big hands
- •Balance a baby girl of about 14 months on his hip with a look on his face somewhere between a slight grimace and pure terror
- •Chase around the boy children at the picnic while making monster noises and then he kinda slows down and flails his arms across his body then put his hands on his knees and laughs and laughs
- •"Seasonal Gourds!!"
- •"Eating a late lunch at the Tate Modern- I'm pretending you're in the gift shop downstairs!"
- •"Indeed!! A good cry and a nap cures most things? Do you have ice cream? Complete the triple play!"
- •Expiration datesAnd you should probably subtract three days to be on the safe side.
- •Heart attack symptoms for womenFlu-like symptoms, y'all
- •Common Household HazardsSeriously just unplug your toaster already.
- •Am I tardy to the party?
- •This looks hip. Or sleek. Or both.
- •Am I a List App celebrity yet?
- •Fashion BlogBut it's really just a girl who wears jammies in public or nonsensical sweatshirts. Her hair is often dirty.
- •Food BlogBut the blogger is hungover so it's cell phone pictures of Thai food, half a milkshake, and seven Ritz crackers if I had to guess.
- •Travel BlogBut where you just recap episodes of House Hunters International for their absurd choice of desolate locations.