MY AREAS OF EXPERTISE

  1. Expiration dates
    And you should probably subtract three days to be on the safe side.
  2. Heart attack symptoms for women
    Flu-like symptoms, y'all
  3. Common Household Hazards
    Seriously just unplug your toaster already.
  4. Did I lock the door
    There's no way I didn't. Unless I didn't. But I must have. I'll check just to be sure.
  5. When to get to the airport
    Better an hour early than a minute late. Plus another hour for security and you'll need to buy an Us Weekly plus maybe the freeway is closed so you should leave now.