HYPOTHETICAL STAND UP BITS

Tbh probably too scared to ever try these suckers out on real people
  1. Mother's Day
    The story of how my sister came out to my parents in the car on Mother's Day. It's funny & not homophobic, PROMISE.
  2. Twilight Paradox
    Highlighting the cultural phenomenon where millennial women are like "UGH TWILIGHT IS SO ANNOYING", but actually you loved it in middle school??? Why do we all pretend this never happened???
  3. Dumb People/ Dogs
    Not super developed, but I make the point that every stupid person I've met has reminded me of a dog. In like the lovable way.
  4. Bad at Dating
    Poking fun at my lack of romantic history. Culminates with the story of my first non-date where we got into a car accident on the way there. "So I think this illustrates that not only is my attempt at dating a disaster, but it's actually a health ris
  5. Dead Phone On the Bus
    Hoping this will be a #relatable bit. What did people do on public transit before cell phones?
  6. Things You Can Only Say To Your Wife Once
    This is completely ripped off of my Dad & the stories he always tells. He's hilarious & these are basically a bunch of one liners that could be summed up by "reasons my wife would have divorced me if we weren't super Catholic"