Shit I Need to Work On

Word vomit.
  1. Ok so.
  2. I'm going back to England tomorrow for school, after 3 weeks on Christmas break.
  3. It's been good b/c I've caught up on a lot of sleep but it's also been extremely emotionally exhausting and I realised there's some stuff I gotta do.
  4. Firstly, I realised that when I'm in school I experience ALOT of anxiety. A lot more than I did before I left Malaysia.
  5. Anxiety when I woke up, throughout the day, during meals in the presence of the entire school.
  6. I'm the type of person who's pretty good at powering through and hiding stuff like that, but at the end of the day I always feel so emotionally drained.
  7. I always kind of thought it was ok and normal, considering I was doing well in class and doing all my work well and on time.. It's just the pressure of A levels right?
  8. But just before I left school for xmas break, I had a horrible panic attack.. It was the worst I ever had and honestly I feel like it was a culmination of all the stress.
  9. Stress from school, responsibilities, self esteem.
  10. So yeah. During my break I had a lot of thinking time and I feel like this year I have to honestly face up to the anxiety because the fact that it's becoming a constant thing isn't healthy at all. I can't go on like this!
  11. Next, Health.
  12. Since I was about 8, I have profusely refused to eat vegetables. Like never. ever. barely. I'm almost 17 now.
  13. Aaaannnd yeah that's gotta change. As I grow older and hormones and shit I'm really experiencing the effects of this and I gotta honestly face up to it.
  14. I'm talking stubborn fucking acne, weight gain, weak hair. It's horrible.
  15. People always say I'm the responsible one blahblah, but I can't even take care of myself because I lack motivation and I'm constantly in such a bleak mood.
  16. I really have so much shit to do this year. I know I say it every year but I honestly believe that if I don't work on my
  17. physics health
  18. and anxiety
  19. I might crumble prematurely.
  20. I don't want to waste my teenage years dealing with unnecessary shit that will deffo have severe repercussions in my adulthood.
  21. Y'know?
  22. I don't even know why I made this list. I supposed it was a good way to face up to how fucking unhealthy I am and how badly I take care of myself.
  23. I hate constantly finding life boring and difficult. It shouldn't be.