ADVICE I'D GIVE IF I EVER HAD TO GIVE A COMMENCEMENT SPEECH

  1. 2 slices of pizza is almost always enough.
  2. Follow your dream, but if you get close and it's ugly, don't be afraid to bail and regroup.
  3. A good party trick is to watch who the dogs gravitate towards and meet that person. Dogs are never wrong about people.
  4. If your chosen career involves wearing flip flops, you've done something right.
  5. Don't expect to have close friends if you're not a close friend.
  6. Being constantly disappointed is just a bad habit you can break.
  7. Kids make everything harder, but only because they force you to be less selfish.
  8. If a whole lot of people are passionate about something, you should at least give it a try before you dismiss it. Unless it's gross or wildly illegal. And sometimes even then.
  9. No one cares about your problems.
  10. Be nice to old people, unless they're huge dicks.
  11. People who tell you money doesn't buy happiness aren't being 100% honest.
  12. Get rid of your junk. It's emotionally taxing to hang on to everything you've ever owned.
  13. Find a new hobby, but again, don't be afraid to bail on it if it starts to suck.
  14. No one wants to hear your advice.
  15. Add yours in the suggestions.
  16. Be picky.
    About food, dates, and how you spend your time. You've only got so many chances to enjoy the world; don't waste them on Costco frozen burritos.
    Suggested by   @evanp
  17. Be willing to ask questions.
    It is a sign of intelligence and power.
    Suggested by   @donnie
  18. Enjoy things unironically
    Irony and guilty pleasures are words that have become defense mechanisms. Life's too short to defend the things you enjoy watching/listening to/doing.
    Suggested by   @eliolsberg
  19. No one wants to hear about your dreams(I mean literal dreams at night) UNLESS that person was IN the dream and then, you'd better be specific.
    Suggested by   @busyphilipps