BRING BACK TELEGRAMS
Some amusing telegrams, which were essentially tweets for a different generation and far classier. As with all good things, a couple of these are probably apocryphal.
- •STREETS FULL OF WATER PLEASE ADVISESent by Robert Benchley to David Niven on arriving in Venice, a destination recommended by Niven.
- •VERY SORRY CAN'T COME STOP LIE FOLLOWS BY POSTLord Charles Beresford responding to a dinner invitation from Edward VII.
- •TOO FUCKING BUSY AND VICE VERSADorothy Parker, on her honeymoon, responding to a work-related query from an editor back home.
- •NOBODY KNOWS [repeated 500 times]A telegram to media tycoon Randolph Hearst from an astronomer who had been asked, "IS THERE LIFE ON MARS? PLEASE CABLE 1000 WORDS."
- •BRING ME A CUP OF COFFEE STOP PETERPeter Sellers' wife received this telegram in 1954. It was from Peter, who was working upstairs.
- •IGNORE FIRST TELEGRAMSpike Milligan jokingly sent this to his notoriously paranoid friend, Peter Sellers.
- •A WARM HAND ON YOUR OPENINGSent by Noel Coward to friend Gertrude Lawrence on the night of her Broadway debut.