Some of the Statements I Heard Other Parents Say in the Last 24 Hours.

  1. Please, please get your hand out of the dog's bowl.
  2. What did you just flush down the toilet?
  3. No, you cannot drive the truck. I'm sure that does make you sad.
  4. Did you get another bloody nose? Whack yourself in the face with your own knee while you were on the trampoline? Too bad.
  5. I really don't think your sister called you a stupid-ass poopy head butt nutty. I'm pretty sure you made that up.
  6. Is that poop in your hair?
  7. Give me that back.
  8. Seriously, we're not going in there. No. Come on. Let's go. Oh come on. Just stop.