Things I Heard a 68-year-old Man Declare About the Movie of Fifty Shades of Grey

All true. Happened tonight.
  1. "They had three copies of it at the library. I thought, 'Why not?"
  2. "It is not pornography. Sexy? Yes. But not pornography."
  3. "There was no full frontal nudity. Mostly just a lot of boobs and tuchus. His too."
  4. "It was not a violent movie. The violence was intimated. You had to imagine it."
  5. "That girl in it. What is her name? Yes, Dakota Fanning. She's a very good actress."
  6. "I recommend it. Don't watch it and then go out and buy handcuffs, though."
  7. "Mostly, it was free at the library."