Sexy Texts I've Sent

an ongoing disaster
  1. 1.
    "I'm horny for vitamins!"
  2. 2.
    "When we start our illicit love affair, and then I viciously murder you - your profile picture will be the one the local news will use to broadcast us."
  3. 3.
    "My biggest 2014 regret is not having keys to your apartment, so that I can go to Whole Foods and then come back and eat soup in your bed. But life isn't always fair."
  4. 4.
    "Sorry for the late response! I just got back from Korean BBQ and rollerskating!"
  5. 5.
    "At least Robert Durst cared about someone enough to kill them."
  6. 6.
    "I’m just sitting around my apartment with soccer shorts on, eating a burrito, and panicking about getting murdered - so come over whenever!"
  7. 7.
    "And by I looked cute, you mean I look liked str8-up garbage trash?"
  8. 8.
    "Ooooh, the aquarium is nice! I went there on my first date"
  9. 9.
    "You have a Catfish kind of appeal"
  10. 10.
    "Just like Tina Knowles, I am also ready to love again!"
  11. 11.
    "All boys are DERTBAGZ! Lol jk, you seem cool"
  12. 12.
    "I wish I was 🔥 enough to be manhandled"