HOW TO MAKE ME IRRATIONALLY MAD

Let's take three deep breaths and remember compassion
  1. Walk at the same pace as me on the sidewalk ( applies only to strangers)
    Who the fuck do you think you are? I have my pace going here and if you want to share this speed then you can hold the fuck up for a second or speed the fuck up for a second and THEN resume. You dirtbag.
  2. Ask me if I am mad
    People ask me this a lot on account of my face. So to answer your question, YEAH NOW I AM.
  3. Eat chicken wings
    Either you are getting shit all over your face, or you are sucking on them, or you are breaking their little chicken femurs, or you are picking your teeth afterward. There is literally no possible way for you to do this without offending me in some way. I hate you I hate you I hate you. That being said, I love to eat chicken wings.
  4. Play your music out loud on the train
    DIE
  5. Not watch a sad movie that I recommended "because you will sob like you never thought possible for hours and hours afterward"
    I refuse to believe that everyone doesn't secretly like to be sad/ needs to do this regularly to maintain a healthy emotional balance
  6. Sometimes... just look at me
    I am a Cancer so I think I actually have a legal right to this kind of irrationality