Reasons I Don't Want to See Your Naturopath

  1. Sugar makes me happy
    And listening to you talk about how you don't crave it anymore makes me sad (and also, it's crazy-annoying).
  2. I don't want to give up dairy
    That dairy-free stuff you eat is not chocolate. I don't know what trauma you sufferered to make you believe that it is.
  3. I don't like green juice
    Do you? REALLY?
  4. I love gluten
    Possibly as much as I love my husband
  5. Coconut oil mixed with cocoa and maple syrup and frozen is not effing ice cream
    It's an appetite suppressant