The Pinnacle of Grown-upness

Spoliler alert: it wasn't parenthood, employment, home ownership, marriage, taxes or buying wrinkle cream
  1. I bought Irish Spring soap
    My mom always said that it was too junky.
  2. But yesterday I saw it in the store and bought it because I am a grown-up woman
    And I have wanted to try it for thirty years.
  3. Today I feel as fresh as a lepraucaun who showered in a waterfall surrounded by a field of clover.
    That's super-fresh. In case it wasn't obvious.
  4. Why did I wait so long?