Things I Resent Paying For

  1. Parking
    I prefer to walk or to park on the street and then get ticketed.
  2. Parking tickets
    Instead I will spend 15 hours fighting my parking ticket, because my time is infinite and valueless.
  3. Individual popsicles
    Why buy one when I can buy the entire box for the price of two single ones and then force my children to eat three each before they melt?
  4. Insulin
    As a result of all of the popsicles. This is a joke. I make the kids run around in circles after the popsicles. They don't need insulin.
  5. Water
    I always carry my own but my husband does not. I would rather him buy any liquid instead of water. Unless it's swamp water. I would pay to watch him drink swamp water. This is how much I resent having to buy water.
  6. Chocolate bars at full retail
    I prefer to buy them on sale for half price and eat four times as many
  7. Adult admission to indoor playgrounds
    Look, I am happy to pay for the privilege of allowing my kids into your loud, disgusting, Petri dish — just don't charge me an adult admission fee because you want me to supervise them.