Things My Kids Can't Find Out

  1. Ice cream sandwiches don't come with bites missing
  2. The park doesn't give you a ticket if you take sticks or rocks home
    Summary offence. Fine only. No prison time.
  3. Pancakes and scrambled eggs are not dinner foods
    What kind of overachieving psycho* has time to make that stuff for breakfast?
  4. Many families regularly get out and do things before noon on Sundays
  5. Mommy Chocolate Time isn't a real thing.
    In other houses.
  6. *no offence to the overachieving-psycho community. Love you guys- just don't invite my kids for sleepovers.